New Year

Ive noticed I let a lot of time pass between my blog post. In retrospect, I find I grow out of and move on from certain concepts and feelings I display on the blog and yet feel the need to 1) give space to the intial feelings, 2)limit how much I saturate those feelings knowing that I intend to move on from them, 3) notice any patterns, perceptions, and development I find from my intial post and my later. It is a very grateful and happy feeling to see that I am not spirialing ^_^, and very interesting to spend so much time away to come back with a new perspective. Its vert ironic, I feel like Im a completely different person interacting with my prior work and feel the need to explain myself to anyone who sources my archive. Well, it is 2021, New Years Day and Im in my hometown, Washington, DC. Since I didnt post 2020, I figure to mention that a virus pandemic took over the world while some Americans tried to start a race war. Crazy, most people where laid off and placed on unemployment and for all the bad I am impressed by the willingness of some humane individuals in our government to insure that families received extended unemployment compensation and stimulus checks. I think pointing that out in the New Year is important, it made a difference and for everyone that thought to increase everyones general safety and health by taking precautions and limiting unnecessary social contact I think its very telling that, people are not all bad and very considerate at times. Thats good and important to note for 2020 as 2021 starts. I developed as well. I got back to some foundational workings of me that I hadnt noticed in someways had been compromised. So I guess I needed the slow down to start back up, ironic because the first two months of the shut down I was completely not for it. The way the news was going, I eased up on wanting to rush back. What exactly was I rushing back to? Its 2021 and I spent a good deal of the beginning of the New Year of caring for myself in the ways I find important to me as usual, eating well, working out, washing my face, thinking. I did a lot of thinking and I love when I can account and close a book on certain chapters that may have unsavory lessons in them. This page is called ModelxLove and Ive become pretty aware of how I let certain relationships influence me, and with the social distance in place its interesting to note how unnecessary certain dramas and relationships are. I mean you really dont know just how detrimental you can be to yourself by not weighing your influences. Lol, I had a friend I tried courting because we had an agreement to help me start a family and its so interesting to see how that actionable headache can help make sense of so many past relationships and mistakes. My friend was like a perfect stand in, I didnt have to grasp for old things I use to cling to because I felt comfortable knowing I had something in place I knew probably wouldnt work, but theyd still be there, to some degree. It likely wasnt all him, but the situation paired eith the year, that when I took tome to reflect and talk- mostly in camera I could with space and time rehash some chapters to legitimately see how certain things I thought I needed, did not and never would serve me. I think it takes some maturity to accept that sometimes not having certain relationships and people are necessary. I dont regret caring, else, I probably wouldnt know how to ^_^. But I can think about numerous ways I suspended myself in limbo for absolutely no reason for things that, even I have to admit I was trying to firce to make sense in how it works. I think the most objectionable is pausing my goals and ambition to try to fit people and situations that didnt benefit them or even support them. That was stupid- no really- I actually can nit explain that one. One of the things about gaining perspective is that the obvious just becomes glaringly obvious. Uou know they say chasing relationships activates a center in your brain that is similar to drugs. Hmm, my ass was a serious emotional junkie and unfortunately fir anyone in similar situations is that the only solution is to quit cold turkey. I mean my friend was like a propholaxis but, I started getting addicted to pursuing that too and it actually annoyed me especially when it triggered previous scenarios Ive been in. Id literally he like- nope, not for a dude like this, which is ironic, hella funny, and in a way Im still grateful for my friend. Hes the best of the worst- but I dont think I want worst. Lol, anyway everything is still relatively shutdown but im taking the time to slowly clean up the mess i helped create chasing drama relationships that made me less of what I was, developed sone good things nonetheless, and well- goals dont go anywhere until theyre completed so- I have a lot on my plate. Doubt it will be all done in a year, but hey- I passed one of my exams and aim excited about this year and my current programs. I wonder if Ill snag a deal if a lifetime-definitely restarted some old projects I left on the back burner and its actually gratifying to not be too rusty from the things Im passionate about- my biggest joy is that I took care of my wellbeing so- ^_^ yay 2021!! Until next time

There was never any love

I've been reflecting, a bit more than my average musings.
With each year passing, one-and-a-half help but consider that getting older should come with some form of wisdom. Perhaps stating up all night is not the best way to start this post. I'll wash my face and her some rest and start this post later in the morning.

breaking and decoding Operation Jezebel

Understanding a spell

I had a long talk with Pierre, its funny, ican tell him everything outside of the scope of my initial thoughts, and not only does a wonderful conversation develop, but i get a few wise practical applications to apply to the heart of thematter.


Sigh; its ok, i can water plant without any benefits.

He used a cute analogy about how he giveswater to these two doves that sit outside his window.

I like that. I like doves.

Life Lessons

I found you!!!


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VnnXAiTOLbo