Tuesday, February 24, 2015

What's the difference??

We all have a tendency to criticize ourselves and others. It's just one of the ways we have learned to mentally process things that we will do and things that we won't. Think about it, for every action there is an opposite and you don't get anywhere by sitting on the fence. As such we have rationalized picking what we consider ideal and what we consider unworthy . Remember however my writers voice the next time you catch yourself in the act, that just because you deem something worthy or unworthy doesn't make it the truth- it makes it a choice. We all have choices,it's something we may often forget when we try to live to the standards of others rather than the standards we place for ourselves. I found myself irretrievably stuck until I read some positive inspirational words from another woman. As I was reading them, I thought to myself 'this is exactly how I speak to people when they face a setback'. So immediately my question to myself was, why wasn't I as positive and motivational when it came to myself?? A truth struck me like lightining. At some point I began to care about what others deemed right and worthy for me than what I did. In fact it had become so bad that it felt like I had let an entire counsel of people / not me / reside in my head and criticize what it was I was to do with my life. Never mind my desire for self betterment, love, and generosity- how did they figure my success. I found myself once again glued to the bed. Was this essentially the same as being possessed by demons? Idk, but it felt like it because all of my qualities and strengths no longer seemed like factors because in my head the trend of the people valued something else. And them I really thought hard. This woman speaking said she went through the same thing, that her entire life up to her mid twenties involved the care of the opinions of others and how it had made her negative and fearful. Negative and fearful/ that's exactly how I've been feeling since my arrival to NY. Often times when I'd travel back to DC, I'd feel like a weight had been lifted off of me. Then I realized, it wasn't NY, but my thought process as a result. Who did I have to please? How did I need to behave? It was only when I wasn't in work mode I'd get a clear idea and feedback on who I was. Confident, charismatic, kind, intelligent and beautiful. What was the difference? One minute I'd be thinking my life was on the line- the next this is a weekend and none of these people are going to make it for me. Fear- fear was the culprit. Which is right and which is wrong? How about the one that inspires joy, the one that pushes you to grow, the one where you can track your progress, the choice where you were connected to something higher than the group mentality Perhaps that's the key to breaking out of fear and living your life