Monday, November 17, 2014

For You One Thousand

If I could speak a thousand words I'd speak them just for you If I could love a thousand ways I'd love them all for you It doesnt matter how or when A thousand would surely do A thousand more, one thousand more I'd do them all for you
One more.... A promise, is a promise, is a promise speak one word, I promise Promise to hold you, cherish you Make right you wrongs, make good your bad But promise Promise me my soul wont die for keeping it in your hands Yes, my soul that belongs to no one but God But I promised Him, you werent bad I promised him to love you right He made me promise to return to the Promised Land I promised him I wont come back, without my other hand So a promise is a promise, I hope you understand I promised to bring my right hand back You promised we'd both return to DAD Poems by Crystal Okorie Model: Crystal Okorie Photographer: Justin Walters

Thursday, November 6, 2014

So Many Different Things

I unapolegetically apologize. Its been months since Ive written here. Ive been wanting to, but most of what Ive been wanting to write has been very personal. Ive been going through a lot. Right now, I'm figuring out how to meet three times my expected financial expectations. Its a journey out here is definitely something I have to say. A lot of it boils down to you. YOU. Let me say that again, YOU. Not your friends, your peers, your family, your lover - YOU. Perfectly, imperfect little you. Let me fill you in on my summer and the series of events that have happened that lead up to me with my back against the wall and a whole lot of ouch, I told you so, but maybe it was worth it. Flaws and all, I committed to doing the right thing, no matter what, even when my ego wanted to get the best of me. I may not have gotten everything that I wanted but I definitely grew. I met a guy, during the summer, and if anyone knows me, its easy for me to admire, but hard as hell for me to fall for a guy. Not with this guy, lets call him Dre- thats what he liked to be called anyway. I didnt care for the nickname; I already knew somebofy with the nickname and honestly- with all the wonderful qualities his mother had imbdued him with, I wanted to call him by his full name. I met him; this is very private ; one of the reasons I havent been posting. I figure I should take a break and point this out. Model X Love is dedicated to US : You : ME. Its dedicated to growth, love, wisdom, happiness, success, and principle. And one principle I strongly have learned to trust and believe is that your private affairs are sacred and beautiful and grow when you direct energy into them and not focus on how other people may perceive the growth and nurturance you give your relationship. I wanted to keep these happen stances to myself, as I grew, so that there would be no unneeded exhibitionism towards the piece. Granted I'm sharing it now, and well, the guy I'm unfortunately writing about is a guy who wasnt all that I thought he was, would like to see, but; we'll get to that. I met him when I wasnt looking. A week earlier I was being berated by my co-worker KiKi 'with the big ole' bootie' ; you have to say her name like that. Why? Because its true!!!!! He had offered to be my math tutor, which is and was very important to me because I am considering my hand in some unique way in the medical and financial industry and its all about numbers out here. That and the skillset serves the purpose of my lifelong goal of becoming an esteemed polymath. A polymath is someone skilled in a variety of scientific and artistic pursuits and fields, that intricately merge into each other. A Jack of All Trades- Master of Some. A Renaisance Woman or Man for those gentlemen that pursue it. I might as well get that awkward pause out of here. Anyway, I guess that was a naive assumption that he was being honest about teaching me. Its funny, because I never looked at him romantically from my intial meeting. I met him at my job. He was one of my tables; I liked them; a large group; black males and females. I didnt think much of him, actually to be honest I dont even remember my impression of him from the table. They were cool, I was doing my job and we had a lot of friendly banter, but Dre, he didnt stand out to me. Im pretty sure I remember them all explaining what they did for work. Finance, which is cool. Im getting my Masters in Finance and Marketing despite my extended break that had to be placed while i figured out money and surviving in NY. Again, Dre didnt strike me at the table, it was when I was in the back section of my job; firing orders that he came near the booth, waiting in line for the bathroom. He smiled and.. well - Ive never been so attracted to a smile like that. Kinda shy, very handsome, a small gap but it doesnt take away from his beautiful smile. He started throwing some 'innocent lines', which as a beautiful woman in NY, you get use to men spitting game at you. IDK what it was about him, I was really ready to dismiss him until, idk - it seemed lie he was fumbling with what to say to me. Almost like he really was unsure of how ot approach me. So I looked up at him, and again he smiled and mentioned that he was a math major in college and that his job requires a lot of numbers and that he loves it. IDK why that was so attractive to me. During my healing faze of detaching from my ex of five years, and re-establishing who I was as an individual, I began a lot of self reflection, a lot of game planning, a lot of development for my eventual metamorphasis and manifestation of the woman I am meant to be. Something I got blinded to while being in my last relationship and continuously altering my behavior to fit his preference. Remember our last talk about Toxic Relationships? You got it. This is going to be a long post guys. Its been a while and this piece- this Dre- he- really inspired and set into motion these things that were latent inside of me. Its important that I say this now. I wasnt because he did anything. For all I know he's a complete ass that I should be lucky to have been rejected in the cowardly way that e rejected me because he coud be one of these regular and boring ass, status seekers, with no real value or concept of wealth, or any of his own for that matter ; and that all my awesomeness was simply awakened by his presence. But I dont know. What I do know, is that I fell in love with him, and admittedly, even though he told me to "leave him be" , (who talks like that anyway), I appreciated the qualities that I saw in him, the moments where we did share together, the things that he inspired in me, all for the simple little things he was, and seemed to care for, and do. I liked the fact that he spoke a lot about his mom. My friend looked at me weird and asked why that was a turn on. I didnt want to respond that shes kinda a slut and wouldnt understand that. He never tutored me by the way. The day he set up to meet was at a bar, and my misreading of his text message resulted in me awkwardly showing up with pre-calculus workbooks and a lot of anticipation. I didnt get mad though; I know; very unlike me, but thats because the experience he offered me that day was so enjoyable i didnt mind not getting what I came for. He never tutured me, but he directed me to geometry, which thanks to him pointing me, has done more for my life than I can say. I wish I could say more about him. A month and a half with him, and he kinda disappeared. Or at least tried to. This guys story switched up so quick I was literally confused. He went from statements like wanting to share himself with me too, to awkwardly disappearing when I texted. To saying he wanted to be friends for now, when I texted him on the 4th of July stating I could be his lover, nothing, or friend- at least tell me where I stand. To him having a lot gong for him and doing a European vacation, and saying he received all my txt. Yeah, I got it. He's in finance, but with my degree I could be in finance too. In fact with my degree I'd technically be his Boss or automatically a year ahead of him. I had(have) a car (Mercedes S - Class), he didnt. The lease was written solely in my name- his wasnt. And what was with him having female roommates, only female roommates? Not that I minded, but the shadiness of that guy to this day blows my mind. He was still sleeping on an air mattress. I did that too. When I was broke as hell in NY but you know I eventually put 200 up for a bed. This nigga (i have to say it like that- because the audacity of this guy) was supposed to be making bank. Right? Not that I cared what he was making because I was more focused on mine. I already intended in breaking into the same industry while working as I do as a model and sole owner of three developing businesses, almost complete with my Masters. So to me; this guy would be a compliment. Especially when he said he produces music. Ok. Like WOW. I never thought it from you. Then he said for Hip Hop and R&B and my shade face came back on. You mean the industry with all the classless sluts ( i mean mean and women) who pollute our youths minds, the perpertatrate street violence, and the affiliation, one of the leading causes of why my younger brother Prince Ike Okorie is not hear with us today? But again thats just most of the industry, not all of it. But in my head I began to question this guys character. Believe and know this, he played me. He maliciously deceived me to get something, and Ive never been played before. I took my time with him. Gave a decent wait before sleeping with him, and did so only because he had shown consistent care and interest in me. Lets not mention that he was unreachable on Sundays But I fell, I thought he was for me. I felt great around him. Free to express myself. I admit there are one or two or three incidences where I believe I did something that created a miscommunication or a distrust from him towards me. But again, miscommunication is a terrible thing. I continued to reach out to him during his vacation. I was too afraid to call him because we werent established (though I kept asking) and didnt want him to think the wrong things. So I texted him ( and to be honest- I HATE texting). He had told me that in one of our last encounters - which for me was full of embararssment and many are the divine powers messing with me for giggles? moments) I wanted him. Wanted him bad. In a way he became a torch for me, because all I wanted to do was trust him and bring my best effort and me to him, because I felt that he was trusthworthy, that he would cherish it, protect it, love it, encourage it- even when it differed from him. He had said things like, I was his muse, or that he thought I was very special (I am ^_^), that i inspired him, on our first 'date' (Tutoring session!!! He stole the kiss!! I was just going for the ride and feeling him out!!!-I loved every minute of it- even after my intial upset- a perfect kiss) I want to tell you everything but its way to much and believe me- if hes a super private guy- hed probably be pissed that Im writing this. But he didnt respond- he chickened out and avaoided me- avoided saying anything remotely like a why? or a goodbye. His roommates told me he had a ex-girlfriend he's been going back and forth with. Again I'm all for fighting to stay together for the sake of love but if the problems are repeats of the same issue "Let it go! Let it Go!"".. I say that after sticking it out for five years with my ex. Yeah we still talk. Yeah, we still love each other, but every time he and i get close enough to influence each other- same damn problem. He's an EX for a reason. But Dre, I liked that he spoke fondly of his mother- saying things like my mother was a hippy. Every time hed say that Id get scared- like he was saying it to me to let me know that I'd been found out. I Crystal Okorie.... am a Hippy He said she reads the paper late at night- just like me I was afraid that if he continued talking I'd have to admit, I'd want him to call me Mommy- sometimes- only when its nasty.... Anyway. I challenged him to an artistic collage that intially none of us completed. I at least tried- half assedly- I sent a bunch of pictures from my phone to meet the deadline. He disappeared for a week until I texted him asking what happened, and he told me he figured I was mad and didnt want to deal with him. Here was why I was worried about his character. He's a man. Men have it hard, they are bombarded my these ideas and concepts of what a man is to be. Driven, Focused, Wealthy, Well Dressed, a Ladies Man (a man whore basicallY) and they dont get any pass from women, since there are plenty of women, willing to play hoes and lay on there backs to get everthing. And other men are doing it and taking advantage of the hoe market Economics; Supply and Demand But some men withstand those things and because he came from an athelrtic background just like me. I figured he was willing to work to overcome weakness and develop He. Me. WE. He was a football player, and boy did that turn me on. Its the sexiest thing to me. A man willing to ram through the opposition- with his team- for his team- with dedication- fighting for what he believed in. Coming to WIN Yeah.. just writing that did a couple of things to me. But again his character. He works in finance as a broker. Meaning he handles other people money- millions- billions. He doesnt know the blood, sweat, tears, and sacrifice it takes to build something so large from nothing. The businesses my switch hands to a bunch of people that dont know the real dedication and spirit it takes to make a build those things; so often they become corrupted because they are chasing money and things. Thats why none of these finance people are anything like Warren Buffet- Buffet has CHARACTER. He knows what it means to climb from the bottom with principle on his back- and hes aware hes surounded by snakes. So heres this guy- that I think is Wonderful. My Wonder Boy if you will. Cause he knows and loves his Mama, and from his actions I THOUGHT I played a special role for him. Here he is getting all this money- to move large money- surrounded by snakes- and weak personalities- riddled with insecurity- that use money and expensive clothes as a cushion because they lack the qualities inherent to be valued to such esteem. And you have me. Who with it or without it- I got it going on-but again- I worked for these qualities. and avaoided things that would tear it down. So Im not ashamed to say thanks to God, I'm proud of ME. But back to him and this art challenge. He's getting all of this in his developing years surrounded by hoe minded girls ( and dont let looks deceive- in the media they portray the temptresses as perfect 10s but these qualities show from ratings 1-7) Real tens- the ones who dont have to fake it to make it. They dont think like sluts. They place enough value on themselves to not need what he's got. I give myself a 9 and a half because I dont do my hair and dont care too much id my clothes are LV-- but you see men when I show up- and my modeling pictures do talk. I was worried about the challenges and temptations he would face, then he said he wanted to be a music producer. Which scared me thoroughly. Ive seen a few episodes of LHH. Was this what I would have to deal with if me and him worked out? A talented, but coniving liar, cheat, soon to be std ridden producer guy with money. I dont want that. Id rather be single and do in vitro than to ever end up with that kind of guy. But I believed in him. More importantly I believed in me and what with faith and a strong heart could develop between us. So the project...Using any artistic medium of your choice Show: who you are, what youve been through, where you are going, your hopes and wishes, and yes- even your fears I figure since I hadent heard from him. To commit to finish the project- I mean the idea was inspired into me by him I really wanted to share myself with him. We had a natural flow with each other- I thought that at least. The things he noticed and felt insecure about himself, and even how he played with different lights fixtures in him room. Just like me. Said he was allergic to cats even though him and his roommates have one and I have two, but he mentioned one day that because of me he sat down and bore his allergies to pet her. Yeah- I got that tender feeling for that too. I saw a lot of try in him. He said he saw no similarities. I saw our differences too, thats the thing with perception- what you focus on- you get I liked the way we were different- his different were all in areas I naturally wanted to develop- and he did it naturally- so yes- a tutor i would get- but I wanted a friend too, a lover to top being his friend. I created a video piece. I sent it piece by piece- because the project was a lot- I admit its a project you should do just for you. There are some therapeutic affects. I was a psychology major so this project counts as a subversive treatment. Can you believe it? I created a treatment for personal disorders because of him I did a lot inspired by him I wanted him in my life But he doesnt- for whatever reason- he never had the heart to tell me But regardless- I grew. I developed. And I'm so glad I met him Of course there is always hope that he actually watches it. It was for his eyes only so you should never (better not) see it on the internet. I gave him a key on a ribbon I admit- I learned the purest form of Love through him. The entire project I commited to I became closer to God- I even sent him a bible and a rosary, with my personal bible study notes and suggestions. So here I am. After 1 month of completel falling and 6 months of consistent offering and sharing. Ive grown and I have a new challnge that thanks to him- I'm a bit more prepared for. Id love for his heart to be touched. For him to develop in kind. For if God sees fit- for him to one day be mine. But I'll move towards my future solo this time. With my memory of him to remind me- that with- God- Hope- and Love -- just waitt and work something will show up in TIME.

Tuesday, April 8, 2014

Really? It's not that funny. Ok its funny- MISTAKES

We all make mistakes. Regardless of how infallible we try to appear we are bound to make mistakes until we're no longer here. If you're like me you hate mistakes, you want to avoid them, its messy, it signals your not there yet. Right- I get it. But mistakes are valuable tools if you embrace them and if you don't, well your bound to repeat the lesson. I'm known as a non-quitter, I don't quit for anything, even when it looks like I'm not doing something, I'm doing something but there was one mistake I let consume the last 3 years of my life.
A relationship. Now, I'm not here to point fingers and lay blame, pointing puts four fingers back in my direction regardless, but I do realize now something that people close to me kept saying. If you don't feel comfortable in your relationships - LEAVE. It wasn't like the person was a bad person, I love them to this very day, but circumstances in our relationship did not give me peace of mind or the comfort I expected from a relationship.

And even though it didn't I tried to force it to work. I look back at it now and realize that we wanted different things at different times and issue after issue, I didn't feel myself anymore and resentment crept in on both sides. The smart thing to do again would have been to leave, but despite not getting what I wanted, I didn't want to be in NY alone, and I truly cared about this person, and it was fixable right?

If I had known that letting go would have spared me from the self made distraction of trying to fix something that could not be forceable repaired, I would have focused more on my goals, finances, school, and ambition. Who knows the relationship might have worked itself out, or not, but I would have given myself the room I needed to grow.

My mistake wasn't dating my ex. My ex like me, isn't perfect, he's a great guy and just like anyone, no one wants to hear whats wrong- including me. But if I had just accepted that I was unhappy with the circumstances and the truth of the matter was and is that I was willing to fight for something that didn't profit me, really meant I was fearful of not having a relationship validate me.

Was I getting what I want, not really, but I was willing to stay because in my head this person had qualities that I felt would make for a good mate, and maybe he still does, but if I was unhappy with the present circumstances why force it? In many cases feeling like I had a partner to help work on me and my ambitions seemed more ideal than bearing my burden alone, to the extent I'd compromise my standards.

It took having to stay alone for a little to realize that. That there are messy parts that still need to be developed and then there are parts that are so developed that sometimes I figure if I come with all my good features I wont find someone compatible for me. It seemed easier to want to find a partner who would want to build up together so incase I didn't polish out in my messy areas, they new what they had, and well if I was secure enough to shine my blessings I could always use the fact that I morphed into a butterfly before their eyes and I was still human,  eccentric, lovable, Crystal.

That didn't happen again, thats completely foolish in fact to think. You don't settle for things in order to be accepted, nor do you put all of your focus into someone to mold them into your perfect partner in order for you to grow.

That was my biggest mistake.

You face yourself and you GROW, you put in the work and grow, and the right person will love you and support you as you are, and you don't have to take in fragments in a relationship that are against your principles. Of course you address the problem and see if things change but if they don't- LEAVE because you will be just as guilty as your partner for whatever happens afterwards.

I look back and I wasted 3 years- sure there have been plenty of accomplishments- but they are over shadowed by the snail pace and drama I inflicted into my own life.

In three years I had graduated EARLY from college taking 34 credits a semester, while modeling, working out, AND experiencing the death of my younger brother while juggling my mothers health issues. I know what I'm made of and my ex did too, and the last 3 years were unfortunately a shame to myself because I was unwilling to walk away from a situation, focus on my growth and goals, and let God take care of it.

You know I prayed so much about that one situation- and I tell you this- I sit close to God, and I know that things were supposed to workout but not by undermining my blessings, my principles, and growth, and dare I say my partner. To be honest - I'm glad it didn't work out because the Crystal I was becoming and behaving as was not acceptable and not even half of what I was created to be, and I'm grateful to my partner for passing things off.

You know I wanted that relationship to work out so much that I stopped caring about how I was working and growing- and thats DANGEROUS. I don't blame my partner because I have a strong belief that when you shine, you help others shine and inspire greatness from them as well- but if you don't you draw those things out of them as well- and either party has a decision to make (1) stay a destroy each other- or (2)separate and grow apart or together.

I didnt even give myself a chance. That was my mistake. I look back and maybe it was because I managed to speak to my ex about it, but I was the change that needed to happen - I know it because of prayer and simply because everytime I found myself out of the situation, like magic some huge opportunity was lying at my doorstep. What type of wake up calling do I need to know that my blessings were waiting for me to just recieve them and open them.

I cant say for sure what will happen. Three years is a lot, but I know that my self growth is my responsibility, and prayers do work- if you listen and pay attention. Maybe that person will be in my life- maybe they were only meant for a season. I cant control them- I'm not supposed to, I'm supposed to grow and get comfortable with being my best cheerleader good and bad and if they return; see if they fit in my growth and I in theirs. Thats not something that can be forced though.

I tell you this though- the more time you let pass between you and your blessing- the more catch up you have to do once its over. MY GOODNESS!! I have a lot of WORK!!!
Do I regret my mistake? No- the love was real- and well theres no point in regretting when theres work to do, God has plans and I'm messing with his time, I'll decide whether or not to regret when I'm heading to the death bed. Too many opportunities lie ahead for one to look back at a MISTAKE.

Sunday, March 30, 2014

My HOT Yoga Experience

One does not simply walk through a forest without taking in the scene and furthermore not become influenced to some degree by its lush leaves, it cool air, it's unique sounds, stirred up and caroused among the the trees and dirt path road. No, one can not miss the beauty and intensity of having ones soul held out before ones self in the forest, and one definitely can't miss the impenetrable experience of coming face to face with ones self in hot yoga. Try as you might, you will invariably find yourself amid a sea of skin clad, half naked yoga students, perched atop there yoga mats as moving tree, coming face to face with your variable spirit. Like night and day, you will come in with one intention and come out changed, moved and journey struck. Don't believe me? Let me tell you about my hot yoga class experience, on that I can nonchalantly say will not be the last yet bubbling up a smiling I wonder what crazy endeavor I will pursue to finance this new - imposing on The Matrix - blue pill.

My first day in hot yoga, was ironically enough, my first day in a yoga studio in 2 years, wait I lied 7 months (different studio - pract. Not that I hadn't been practicing my ego chimes, albeit half assed after a yoga experience where one deep pose had left me crying on my mat, not from physical pain but some emotional back energy that had been brought up during the session. "Ah yes, that's yoga" a teacher and colleague of mine would state when I addressed her about said experience, " go through it and release" ; "um no", I callously would reply albeit in my head, I came to stretch, not to have unexplainable Dr. Phil like sessions while I go through half moon and pigeon. So here I was, shoes off in a hallway that yes smells like corn chips, I think it was easy to say we all needed some baking soda for our shoes, as I peered over the desk at the smiling- HANDSOME- shirtless- shaved head young man sitting at the computer screen. This is my first time here, I don't know how things operate. Informing me that I had to register, I quickly delivered my information, excited post workout that I had one found the location  (thank you Hopstop) and two I had gotten there within the suggested fifteen minutes before class (thank you MTA). Are you here for Hot Yoga? Hmm... I thought, I technically came for your free class but I have been hearing a lot about this. Sure I respond, take my money. Often being unusually excited about trivial things, I was shocked when the man, soon to be known as the instructor would highlight some suggestions and advice. EGO TIME: I've got this I thought, I've taken a yoga before and usually found myself although challenged within a comfortable not so challenged position- eh it happens. With a knowing smile he informs me it will be different, out loud I quip , how's yoga in a 'sauna' different. Boy is it different.

I change up and head into the studio; I had been instructed as a newbie to place myself in the second or third row, the very thought made me cringe, I want to be near the mirror I whined in my head- damn it I've done yoga before like a child in my head I whine. I decide to warm up I. The already warm room, "it's not even hot" I think out loud, "I could go to sleep in this". "You'll be warming up real soon as we start, keep your water handy", it was the instructor/desk guy. I roll over on the mat, it's just yoga in a warm room, what's the big hype?

Flash foreword to the breathing exercise. This is the warm up?! I thought, we're just breathing and in the first set, as we opened our rib cages and expanded our backs. 'Water' I thought to myself as I glanced at my bottle which as if on cue the instructor informed us to refrain from for the first twenty five minutes. At thus moment I recall the instructors answer to my question at the front desk of people passing out and him stating, 'oh, only one in four thousand'. Here I was, an athlete, a partial yogini, about to be that one. "Is this how I die?" I thought as we progressed to poses, did I inform the studio officials that my ex is my emergency contact out here? Can you imagine the earful I would get from him? I sit down briefly, "given up?" I hear from a voice I can only describe as smiling. "No",I reply out loud and strongly "but I think your trying to kill me", the class giggles. As my vision returns to normal, I quickly pull myself up to complete the sequence with class.

I quickly found myself gulping down water when the water allowance had been called. "Not too much or you'll get sick" the instructor sing songs. 'Definitely trying to kill us" I thought as I gulped down a chunk, half a pose in my clothes dripping in sweat, the urge to die struck my body once more and I sat down, respecting my sensation, I noticed then that I was not alone this time, and as my vision refocused, I was up again, now realizing perhaps the bra and shorts unwritten dress code incorporated in the room now indeed made sense. 'Shirt off" I thought to myself, as I had indeed realized at this point, water was not my friend. "Release", for a quick second I was transported somewhere else, and then I was back as I moved with the class into the next pose, I remember thinking 'did I die?' , sitting down to slow the dizzying, I met my ego, respecting myself I was once again up. We ended in corpse pose, again the different sensations, feelings, openings and blocks were all amazing, including being brought to my knees, which is something given my fitness routine.

Class had ended. "You will feel this into tomorrow, Namaste". I went home, I felt different, I enjoyed it all, including my prisoner in the desert moments. The next day I was back in the studio. Vinyasa or Hot yoga. Hot yoga I replied. On the mat and over dressed I tackled that class with much more ease with all of the challenges if yesterday, stronger today, and with new challenges to face. When class had ended I thought to myself. Always take the blue pill.

Wednesday, January 29, 2014

Chill OUT We're Catching up with American Horror Story

Cry me a river, you want a post, you want a post.

Well heres the thing. You'll be getting a special prize for patience. Me too! I'm so excited we can share this one!


Saturday, January 11, 2014

Ahh!!! Winter Skin

It's officially winter, although one could argue the case with the weather fluctuations. Can you say ; Global Warming? In most part, until we get the official call to expect 70 degree weather all January through March, I think it's safe to say we still need our winter beauty kit.

Cold weather, harsh winds, and cranked up thermostats really do a number in your skin during the winter, and unless you want to spend the whole season looking like a turnt up yetti you have to be willing to change it up and gloss it down.

Did I lose you?

Ok let's make it simple and talk moisture.

Moisturize, moisturize- the difference in what you use this season comes down to cream vs. lotion.
With the wind, moisture, and high heat temperatures creating a constant flux for your skin, you need something that is deeply penetrating and in many cases that means a cream. Look for one that contains either petroleum or dimithicone to prevent moisture lost. Not only that these two ingredients also allow skin to heal and repair itself. I'd recommend Nivea or Aquaphor.

Butters are great too, but I'll tell you more in my next post.

Chapstick - It never fails to amaze me just how vulnerable our lips are until I forget my Chapstick and five minutes into the cold my lips are peeling begging for some form or relief, and let me tell you something repairing your poorly bitten lips in an effort to mask the crinkles is not only painful , it ain't pretty. Do yourself a favor and learn from my mistake, put it on, bring it with you, put it on again. Plus, what if there's a specially someone who you'd like to plant one on? Let me tell you from experience in a long term relationship, you will get the funny look- possibly a kiss- and a smart alike remark. Avoid the fight and get the kiss- Chapstick

I personally hands down am in love with Burt's Bees and strongly recommend. Anything in a tube is good- but- Burt's Bees - it's simply wonderful!

Exfoliate- Everything!! Face, Body, Hands, Feet, and Lips. Use something with soft beads as to not cut the skin, or make your own with Sugar, honey, and oil. Warning: it can get messy. Use BEFORE you shower on DRY skin for best results. You'll thank me later when you see the difference. As for lips- toothbrush. Before you brush give your lips a nice brush. And after you've exfoliated- Moisturize everything!!!

Last but not least. To really make you skin glow. Bundle up. The less exposure to the elements the less damage to your skin, you can strip once your indoors. Won't that be a scene?

Hope you liked. Feel free to comment or make suggestions for my next posts. Oh I still have to tell you Ladies about AVON and Marked.

Quick preview: I'm hooked

Lots of Love,

Crystal O. Your model love

Thursday, January 9, 2014

I Hate To Say It, but Honey You're In a TOXIC Relationship

At some point or the other you find yourself here; feeling trapped, tired, and needing a friend to coach you off your pity ledge. Honey, looks like to me you are suffering from a toxic relationship. Toxic relationships take many shapes and forms, and not all of them are people dependent.

I know many of you are scratching your heads on this one, how can you be in a toxic relationship without another person? Easy, it's called : TOXIC HABITS. Now I'm going to start with toxic habits because its an uncommon term used to describe a common phenomenon, feeling terrible after doing something. It can be anything, procrastinating, breaking your diet, saying yes, when you really meant no. The list goes on but the results are the same, you feel terrible afterwards, vent and make excuses for them, and then repeat the cycle, feeling frustrated and hopeless. I know, we've all been there.

Toxic habits stem from the same reasons we find ourselves in toxic relationships, for the most part 1) fear 2) there is some perk you get from engaging in it 3)comfort.

Not only do toxic habits and relationships cripple you from living a life you deserve to live, a more sinister repercussion than having a boo-hop story to tell people about why you are not living the life you want to live. I bet some of you smiled for that one- and that's another thing to consider,

Do you engage in this toxic behavior because it is easier for you to speak about when things are going bad for you in comparison to when things are going good?

Does the relationship or habit make you feel like you've accomplished something similar to one if your bigger goals? IE are you sidestepping maximizing your fullest potential because this relationship/habit is kinda like what you really want?

Regardless of the reason, you are selling yourself short, and making yourself miserable!

Yes, you are causing your own pain, and today you need to make a choice whether you want to sit in pain or live in joy.

The choice is yours.

I found myself writing this article because yesterday I wrote about New Years Resolutions and one of my questions what are your obstacles to accomplishing this goal and being honest with myself pointed out two glaring facts, that I tolerate a toxic relationship that I don't need nor like and that I've developed some toxic habits.

Trump it up to the cost of living, but staying in toxic circumstances can and are dangerous!!

The longer you endure a toxic circumstance the more you depreciate. That means your self-esteem, confidence, respect among peers, self - respect (self-esteem), and rational decision making process just hits the fan.

You can't do something that's bad for you without it doing bad to you.

I woke up this morning with stress knots, dealing with a person or a circumstance that if there was no previous investment, No I would not engage with this person or these habits.

Toxic habits and toxic relationships require two important things

1) saying NO - try it you might like it, actually, you might love it
Don't engage, if the person or situation hasn't changed with you saying yes and compromising - it's not going to change unless you keep saying NO.

And in my honest opinion, even if change happens, you should keep saying no. You don't need things in your life that you have to say no to often in order to be whole.

I'm pretty sure, you, like me, love to say YES.

So if this circumstance can only be resolved by saying no. Keep it at NO.

(Of course every situation is different so depending on your evaluation the answer can be SOMETIMES NO. For instance can I eat this pizza? Sure, sometimes, but the answer is usually NO.

2) Replace it- stretch your comfort zone, leave the pack, and your normal routine and find what feels good. And if you have a group of friends you usually share your toxic run downs with , don't include them in this activity.

This is about you and growth, not toxic enabling.

I guarantee your happiness will be short lived if you keep tying your feel good experiences to well meaning (I guess) people who continue to listen to your sap stories.

Think of it like this, mentally, you've assigned them to comfort/crying blanket.

Right now we are talking about growth and re-establishing personal accountability and strength.

They aren't bad per see, but you are leaning too much on them. So in this situation find new friends that you can share this experience with (you are not replacing your old ones). You are bringing in people who get to see the new you - without  this circumstance or person.

Here's why it works. Do you remember the summer break before school starts? That fresh feeling of I can become someone new, completely different than the year before?

Why do you think that happens? Could it be that you've given yourself permission to change because you aren't surrounded by people who expect you to stay the same?


We have work to do


Crystal O. ~ your model love

Wednesday, January 8, 2014

2014 Is All About The Journey

Ladies, its 2014 and I am so excited!!! Ok, I'm sure everyone has made some New Years Resolutions and it is still not too late. Heck, I'll admit I've only partially completed my resolutions and its already January 8! Late? Possibly, but I dont think so, you know why? Because the year is going to go as the year is going to go. Did you get that? I'll say it again.

The year is going to go as the year is going to go, and thats alright. Lets look at it like this- REFLECTION TIME!! 2013- how did it feel? I know some of you may not want to look back on to it because the year may not have went the way you wanted it to go, but wait,  there are some gems to be harvested if you want to make this year worthwhile. What didnt you like? Why? What did you have power and control over? Could you have changed anything pertaining certain unfavorable circumstances? The answers will vary from yes, no, and maybe; and thats ok, because you are here with a new year to RESOLVE to become better.

2013, personally was a mixed bag, and a lot of that had to do with baggage I was carrying from the previous year, and you know what I noticed during the last 2 months? That I had power not to change the circumstances that already happened but what I was going to do today and tomorrow.

Lets call it an action plan, and what I noticed is depending on your circumstances or your drama you have to baby step in whatever way is healing for you to make the big leap to your goal.


What is your biggest goal(s) for 2014?
 Write it down.
Where are you in comparison to this goal?
Write this down and be honest!
What are your obstacles concerning your current situation (ie. people, places, things)?
What power do you have concerning this situation?

Its important to realize where you do have power, or you will continuously fall into the trap of helplessness
Why do you want this?
In what way will accomplishing this make you better or happy?
How must you change and adapt to meet this goal?
If it hasnt been working, something has to change, dont get arrogant in your flaws, theres always room to grow

Who am I doing this for? Am I hoping to impress someone? Prove something to someone? Stick it to them?

Unless your goal comes from a genuine place of love and growth, you may as well expect another failure.

Hey its OK! You are loved and the option is always there!


What will I do once I accomplish this?

Happy 2014!

Crystal O. ~your model love