Monday, June 20, 2016

Unrequited


I think I'm beginning to like you more and more
Or perhaps what I mean to say is less and less.
You know, I cant speak objectively about my feelings right not because I know they're likely to change the minute I think I've figured them out.

Was this supposed to be a poem?

I guess; Its becoming a freeing form of self expression.

Away from social media, and facebook, and the need to validate something that in feeling will bring me to my next growing point.

You know, I think I've grown the most from my unrequited loves
Oh they chased me first, will begin my chargin so I dont feel the sting of admitting that I could spend a year, no contact, in love
and still see a blessing in it.

Still see something wonderful in them,
Still see something about them that makes me decide to grow to be a better me.

Even though perhaps the obsessing caused me to lose sight of my own beauty.

Its funny, because the minute the feeling slowly fades away,
or some unexpected gentlemen; finally overloads my pinpointed radar on my love, unrequited and long gone

I always come to find that, the one I was chasing, was never as great as they seemed.

Somehow I was settling

And yet;;; I dont regret each day I pined wondering if they could ever see me as wonderfully
As I believed them to be

How can you love someone so deeply from a far?

Or maybe is it in the unrequited feeling that I finally felt safe.

Safe to love; and unable to see me.

Whats it supposed to look like again?
The media gives no real condolences

I can only trust the real thing to come by faith

Maybe the unrequited loves were teaching me to love unconditionally

How to love purely by faith.

I guess the answer will be known

When I finally have the real thing.

But I'm done with unrequited

And I'm ready to face me

My good, my bad, my flaws

and since I noticed the ones I chased, werent as wonderful as I made them to be

Maybe its to make me confident enough to say;

That in everyday life;

I dont see many men that match me, that are attractive to me the way they see me

Or maybe I've missed out by putting less energy on myself that some guy missed me from his perimeter because my mind and heart was away
But the ones that have approached;;

I always think;; no-no-no
There are many ways I see it

Some are too short

Some I determine ; dont stimulate my mind at all

or anything really

Some are friend centered
Some dont know themselves

They're friendly
But I can tell for sure ;; Im not their person

I dont have to waste our time trying to make something not meant to work work

And Look
I know I'm not perfect

But in the unrequited
I at least got a gray area to measure my weaknesses and my strengths

Gave myself something to grow from and to.

Yeah, if I'm honest;; loving a shadow led me to college
It gave me a business
They were nowhere in site
But the unrequited led me to me.

I just hope that when the real one comes we both recognize each other

And this time;; I can love him face-to-face

Until then,, I think I'll try loving myself only
So that in my heart there is space
But even better; I think I can finally do it without feeling guilty.

And one other thing. I think this time I can move purely on faith

Maybe I needed the unrequited loves to mature

Maybe I was lucky I loved them, even when they we gone

I lost nothing

It was better to feel love

To love is way better than to have lost.